I have never understood people's love affair with mayonnaise. Even from a very young age I can remember not liking it. I get that there must be some redeeming qualities to it but a sandwich slathered with it just turns my stomach, and don't get me started on what the dutch do to perfectly good french fries.
My distaste stems from two things. One: it's on and in everything and I genuinely don't care for the taste, in small doses I can get by it but people tend to slather it on with a putty knife. Two: when I eat it my throat gets itchy and I start having coughing fits. Whether this is a result of a genuine allergy or a psycho-somatic response is up it the air. Regardless I've long since been in the habit of ordering things without mayo even if I think they shouldn't have mayo anyway. "Excuse me waiter, is that a thin layer of mayo in between the meets and noodles in my lasagne?" I get a lot of strange looks by waitstaff. What really get's my goat about it, is that any other condiment gets listed in food descriptions. I can get a burger that is described as being layered with a two kinds of cheese, caramelized onions, and a peppy Dijon mustard. I think to myself a ha! there are condiments in the description and nary a mention of mayo, it must be safe. I order it thinking my life charmed, and lo and behold, when it comes it's not only all mayo-ed up, there are thick layers of the goo on each piece of bread the thickness of groat in a brick wall and, just in case I don't have enough, there's a small tub of the stuff on the side.
The gods are truly laughing at me. Is it too much to ask Lord? I just want a ham sandwich, hold the mayo. Amen.
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